dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
