so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
