Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
