Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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