I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You smell like stripper and shame
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
