6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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