They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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