You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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