If that was your dad, he is hot
She said her name was "party"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
