I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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