i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
