Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
