Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize