Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
