i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
