I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Randomize
