we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
