I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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