I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
