You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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