I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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