Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
