everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
