I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
