wanna go halves on a baby?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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