Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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