office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
