I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
