Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
