my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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