We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
