I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize