I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
