I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
