If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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