SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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