They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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