If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
