I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have aggressive nipples.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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