I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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