I faked an abortion last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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