Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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