i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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