She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize