i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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