There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
