Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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