So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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