So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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