That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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