you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
