I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
