I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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