watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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