Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
