i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
