you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
