WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
