Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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