'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
