Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think your dad took our porno
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
