just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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