New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
