I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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